Australian Brush Turkey rapes my chooks!

OK, normally I’m a conservationist. I’m concerned about global warming, peak oil, suburban sprawl growing across our landscape like an ugly cancer.

But when it comes to the Australian Brush Turkey I feel like reaching for a grenade!

In a nutshell: they rape our chickens! The male Brush Turkey gets confused when there are not enough lady-friends around. When desperate, he figures near enough is good enough. Now I’m sure some Aussies find the startling yellow neck and rosy head colourings amusing. Some people might even be sick enough to find it ‘beautiful’. But when I see a bright yellow flash of colour topped by a bald red scalp with beady little eyes, I see a bird dressed for crime! It means breeding season has arrived, and this bird is looking for some ‘business time’.

Disgusting beast!

Disgusting beast!

Yes, these beasts are raping our chooks!

AMOROUS brush turkeys are raping chickens as their numbers rise in Brisbane and they look for a mate, a leading Queensland biologist says…

“Especially black chickens they seem to think ‘oh well, these look close enough’ and they’ll mate with them.”
Courier Mail

Over the last few weeks we’ve heard a commotion in our chook pen and later noticed the chickens having various scratches and marks on them. Now I know what that horrible noise means, I am keeping my ears finely tuned in their direction. Any time I hear the chickens screaming “Help! Help! We really need some help here! Confused Turkey approaching, Mayday Mayday!” in chicken-ese, I creep up on the cage. I stare down in dismay and disgust. The Brush Turkey is usually in the pen, staring at our hens safely locked in the coop. It quivers with desire! So I swing a club at it, but it yells “Ooog Ooog” and runs away. But it gets worse. Not only do they rape the hens, but they can breed with them!

Scrub turkeys rape chickens, then produce creepy offspring
“It really is what you’d expect a half chicken, half turkey to look like – just this weird little thing.”
THE biologist who revealed that brush turkeys were raping chickens in Brisbane back yards says it’s possible for the couplings to produce offspring….

They see “black chickens and seem to think `oh well, these look close enough’ and they’ll mate with them”, he said. Today he added: “I’ve seen one of them (offspring) and it’s …. urgh … just creepy.

Courier Mail

Words can’t communicate how utterly frightening I find the idea of our  hens hatching some dang ugly bald headed Turkey-chicken mutant! It’s just so wrong. I’m having nightmares about hybrid “Turkens” making gobbling noises as they scratch my eyes out! I try to imagine a half-chicken half Brush-Turkey “Turken”, but then I black out.

This disgusting beast is freaking me out! My darling wife cooked roast Turkey (the nice, domesticated variety) the other night and I COULD NOT EAT IT! Nausea doesn’t cover it, I felt genetically contaminated just looking at that leg of Turkey staring up at me. I thought I could hear it. “Ooog, ooog!” it called accusingly. I mean, me, turning down a roast dinner? This saga is messing with my mind!

When you buy chickens you prepare yourself for some mess, some chores, and maybe even worry about foxes. That’s fine! But no one warns you of the attack of the DISGUSTING Brush Turkey of perversion and doom.

Why is this happening to us? My ‘solution’ for it (involving fish hooks, bleach, and maybe an atomic bomb if I can borrow one) is probably illegal… but if I don’t check maybe my conscience will be clear.

I trapped it the other day, but it escaped. I think I freaked it out enough to avoid us. It hasn’t been back for a while! Here’s to hoping that it ‘simply’ ran from our place in terror, popped over the neighbour’s roof, ran across the other neighbour’s home, crossed the adjoining street and was struck by a micro-meteorite which went straight through its brain as it fortuitously fell into someone’s open rubbish bin! Please!

Otherwise, it could be back in a few days… standing around nonchalantly…. waiting for its opportunity to…. no no NO! YUK! (Nearly blacks out again). Just breathe Dave, breathe

See also: the Ballad of Emerald and Spiro

This entry was posted in Rubber Duck (Humour). Bookmark the permalink.

12 Responses to Australian Brush Turkey rapes my chooks!

  1. arlenearmy says:

    I found your blog when I typed in google search: “turkey rapes hen”. I had an awful dream last nite of a turkey viciously raping 1 of my hens. It was obvious that this was an act of force. In the dream, I shot at the turkey to make it stop. I woke up really pissed off.

    After waking up, I thought that this sort of thing don’t happen in real life. But after reading your article, makes me wonder.

  2. arlenearmy says:

    Btw, I think I’m gonna eat Cornish hens this Thanksgiving. That dream turned me off from turkey.

    • Eclipse Now says:

      Ha ha,
      How weird — you googled a dream to discover that it actually happens in Australia? Wow. But the real question for you is does it happen in the USA? I love a good turkey roast, but just couldn’t eat turkey back then when… kinda freaked out about them! 😉

  3. heavyweather says:

    Actually, It does not seem “wrong” to me. They breed. Looks like evolution to me.
    Wrong, right…thats just human categories after all.

  4. Jenni Brown says:

    I found your page after googling “can brush turkeys breed with chickens”.

    I just saw our friendly brush turkey mounting my white Chinese Silkie… and then my silver laced Wyandotte – YEUCH… then I googled images of the what the chicks could look like – almost lost my lunch they are SO UGLY…

    Up until now I have been very tolerant of the BT jumping into our yard and joining our flock of hens. I may get a dog soon!! My kids are scared for the chooks, telling me the BT is pulling out their feathers… I can see a birds and bees talk happening soon!!

  5. Lou Fox says:

    Oh Man!
    I just went outside to find this very thing happening to one of my chooks! Hence me immediately running to the computer to find out what the hell I had seen
    I am also in Brisbane…
    I had seen him around. He had been picking fights with my chooks (or so I thought) a day or two ago but today, after hearing some odd noises from outside, I found him mounting one of my girls.
    I have been chasing the perverted foul all over the place, wielding a branch all afternoon…
    Horrified to learn that they can breed!
    Thanks for the story!
    I would be very interested to hear if you come up with a solution.

  6. Eclipse Now says:

    Sorry Lou, I don’t know any real ‘cure’ because they’re protected. I chased my brush turkey around and threw things at it and cornered it one day. I didn’t injure it, but it hasn’t been back since then. Unless you are prepared to totally cage your chickens, this could be a risk your hens will have to live with!

  7. Lou Fox says:

    I see… Today he is unstoppable!
    May I ask, do you have a rooster?
    I am considering getting one to protect the flock…
    I think a rooster would severely disapprove of the competition and hopefully send him packing.

  8. Eclipse Now says:

    Hi Lou, ‘unstoppable’… eewwww! Doesn’t sound good!
    No, I don’t have a rooster. But just to cheer you up, here’s some more bad news. Apparently native birds can carry quite a few diseases that can infect chickens. I’m not sure on the details, but my wife tells me she’s read up on how even having native birds diving into the food bowl to steal a few bites can pass on a bug. Well, it seems one of our girls never recovered from the turkey attack. She has not laid any eggs for about 6 months and her tail feathers are messy and muddy rather than being clean and fluffy. I’m probably going to put her down soon.

  9. Lou Fox says:

    Eeeeww Is right! Oh GREAT,
    That’s something I had not considered…Horrible turkey STD’s…!!!
    Last night we had TWO of these horrid creatures to contend with. They have been dueling over the mating rights to our poor girls. My partner now thinks he is some sort of wild mountain man, stealthily creeping and launching unsharpened bamboo spears at them. We attempted to corner one along the side of the house to give him a very stern talking to, but sadly he was not interested as he simply flew out and up over the roof. However he has not been around since so perhaps our subtle persuasion was effective after all.
    This was brought about by the discovery that he had this morning, utterly destroyed a large portion of the vege garden. So now I was not just horrified, but incredibly cross.
    The chooks will be holidaying on another property while I go away, so provided they survive the ravaging until then, they will be safe for a couple of weeks.
    Oh no… I hope they don’t pass on any bugs to the other chooks…

    I am told that you can trap them by placing a mirror at the far end of a cage and lure them in by their own reflection. I think if they are still around when I return, I will be asking if the RSPCA would help me catch them.

    I hope you don’t have to put your chook down. But I guess it is sometimes for the best…

  10. Fran Kie says:

    Oh this is a horror story, at the moment my chooks are chasing the turkey away if he gets near their food. Winter now but will the chooks submit to him or is it really rape.? I arrived at this page because I was concerned about disease. Maybe the netting sold to protect your fruit could be used to keep the BTs out?

  11. Eclipse Now says:

    It’s really rape. They can make little half-bred things… Turkens? Chick-turks? They get fertilised and *something horrible* hatches….!

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